letter to ex-girlfriend

I usually don't write this kind of stuff. When it's over, it's over. But after a long relationship of 6 years, i think it's worth.



Dear T,

When we first met, it wasn't love at first sight. Sorry, but it wasn't your beauty what captivated me the most. Easygoing, curious about this (at that time) young and insolent guy from a country named Spain. You didn't like everything about me (who does?), but you were always asking me all sorts of questions. You were trying to understand my world. At the same time, I was fascinated by yours. You welcomed my curiosity most of the time. And there was an excitement for our differences from both parts. Although you always tried to understand me as "a foreigner" (american, canadian, british, australian, more or less... the difference between race and nationality was not so obvious for you... there was a long way to go...), you realized soon that not all the white guys are the same. Not everybody comes here to study or to teach english. The truth is, for me, everything is about pulse, challenge, feelings. That's enough.

Funny, isn't it? I listened to your constant speeches about education, career, money (lots of money) for... the future. Always the future. It was almost outrageous for you to hear that none of those things ever bothered me at all... but again, the truth is that you had a bit shallow (or maybe just naive) curiosity about me. But from my part, i was here to join the game. You wanted answers to every question. And I just wanted to learn about you, to experience things through your point of view.

You were the kind of girlfriend that could give me new reasons to keep on going. Let's admit too that most of the time, it was due to my self-motivation. I learnt how to deal with our differences. And that made me extremely flexible. I realized that very few things are truly important: love, health... and, oh, money.

What is love? What I learnt from you about love in these 6 years would be too long to explain in this letter. It completely changed my life. But if i have to pick a description about love right now, i would say: i learnt how to love an imperfect reality, the present. And i made peace with the past. And i even learnt how to enjoy future plans for short-mid term.

Life was quite easy with you. And we had a lot of fun. Crazy times back in the days. And also some stuff about self-discipline, maturity and wisdom could be told here. Only when i had stupid and ambitious thoughts, i didn't entirely appreciate our comfortable life, the long path we walked together (maybe someone more beautiful, more famous, richer, etc). I thought that maybe i was missing something out there. But from what i heard from other people around during these uncertain days, i could feel blessed for having you.

It was great the day that i realized what i could exactly expect from "us". At that point, no complaints. I had to adjust myself to the situation and i did it with pleasure. Only then i found out that i missed maybe a bit too much of myself during the journey. Cause i needed to know how could be our future together (look, now seems that the future starts worrying me, cause i am not a 27 years old lifer anymore... long time), then i pushed myself to the limit. Then i saw clearly where my limits are. That enriched me infinitely as a human being. And it was so hard to get there, that i totally lost interest on stopping myself.

Now i have to tell you: what i am about to start is just the consequence about that desire of going ahead. Definitely, she is not better than you. You are polite, tolerant and all that. She is tricky and hard to handle. But again, i was never affraid of such things. I am not as sharp as before, cause it was not needed beside you. Anyway, i will improvise, as usual. :)

She was born on the sand, under the sun, beside the blue ocean. You keep an umbrella open over your head to protect you from the constant rain and the sunlight too. This is a big and developed city, but your flavour reminds me to something from the countryside, strangely mixed together with outdated aristocatic manners similar to some from my own country half century ago. And she is wild. You are easygoing... till... well... till you care. Then you both are the same. She is chinese, by the way.

And the reason why i am doing this is because the world i belong to is imperfect, unsafe, full of traps everywhere. You don't represent any of those words. You are unreal.

Would a tiger prefer living in the wild jungle or enjoying a comfortable life in a zoo (but a big one, like a playground)? At the end, i can say that i know both. And i don't care. It's funny, cause you also showed me how to be carefree towards the unknown (well, not exactly you, but what i needed to achieve in order to get at this point is what made me like this). That leaded me to you first, and now it's separating us. Cause the journey never ends.

I must go now, but we both know that our issues won't create bad feelings between us. I plan to visit you once in a while. I know that you will always welcome me with that (then incomprensible, now so familiar) mixture of distant politeness and carefree approach. And you can`t resist to a good story. But next time we see each other, I promise you that it won't be about tears or disappointments anymore. Everytime we see each other again, we will only have great fun together.

you suck

Last night, a taiwanese girl was blaming me for telling her "new foreign bf in town" about "the bad things of Taiwan". "Don't tell him that! He doesn't know!".

Maturity is accepting imperfection. Drugs, mafia and corruption are everywhere in the world and Taiwan is not an exception. Anyway, what's the purpose of those girls by keeping their bf's ignorant, blind and some even trying not to make them learn some chinese? Honestly, you suck.

昨晚，一個台灣女子責怪我告訴他新交的異國男友
關於台灣的缺點
"不要告訴他這些！他還不知道！"

成熟就是接受不完美，世界上各個角落都有毒品、幫派
而台灣也不例外，總而言之

到底這些台灣女孩讓他們外國男友無知，盲目
甚至不讓他們學中文的目的是甚麼？

我老實說，妳真是爛透了
you suck.

the vietnamese spider web & the crazy taiwanese milf

LINDA & LINA


Well, so recently the things are kind of messy in my life. Despiting some damn slow legal issues I am facing, it's supposed that girls are there to give you some relief, distraction, good times, etc. But well, sometimes you hit the psycho spot and they don't come alone:

Linda is a vietnamese chick chasing me for almost one year. 34 years old, divorced, great body (she looks awesome on her tight red dresses). Besides that, she loves to clean my house and buy me things (quite unusual, since all my mates dating vietnamese girls have to spend loads of money on them). Recently i was refusing to have sex with her, since she doesn't want me to use condoms (a vietnamese classic, at least in Taiwan). Anyway, i can`t refuse a bj once in a while. But i am telling her for many months that i am not looking for a gf (actually i ignored her for almost 6 months, but she got me back somehow). She insists that she wants to go home with me cause she wants to take care of me "as a good friend or brother". Well, the rational talking doesn't work. And i don't want to be rude to her, neither tell her that i don't like her. I tried to distance myself from her by saying that i want to date other girls. But it didn't work at all. She just calls me "bad boy" and asks me to go to my home after i finish my job. She says it's really hard to find "good" foreigners able to speak mandarin (i suppose "good" just means "good looking and/or gentle enough plus the language skills, all without being over 50 years old").

Then last thursday one of her best friends, Lina, came to the club. She is one of the hottest girls i ever seen (despiting her age, in her early thirties). Of course, with that face and body, she is working in yellow KTV's (she denies it, but her friend told me). She said hi to me and started dancing with some foreign guys on the dancefloor, while looking at me. After those eye contact games, she tried to call my attention, but i had to finish my job. Meanwhile her friend Linda (the other vietnamese girl i am dating) appeared and said: "oh you work today? you didn't tell me". Then Lina hugged me and said in mandarin: "you came after! he is mine! and i like him!". Following the joke i said: "oh, yes. i like you too!". Then she turned to me and said: "Really??? Ok, let's go home now!".

Both girls were a bit drunk, then Linda just left and started drinking and talking to a white foreigner. Lina was following me everywhere, but i had to work. So i asked her to wait for me outside.

Everybody left the place and then i went out. She was alone (surrounded by a lot of guys, of course. But i mean, all her vietnamese friends left her alone. Probably they got angry at her because she hit on me in front of Linda). Then she came with me to my scooter and we went home. While going to my scooter, i was affraid to be seen by Linda. Well, not really affraid, but with a kind of uncomfortable feeling. I am doing something ¨bad¨ someway. Not because Linda is my girlfriend. Just because Lina is her best friend and i don`t want the 2 girls to fight for me.

Suddenly, i found 2 customers i know for a while. I said bye to them. One of them smiled and both looked at the girl. They were surely feeling funny and jealous at the same time. The girl is really hot. And she is grabbing my arm after refusing many guys inside the club. She played them, but she finally left with the guy she didn't dance with (cause she already made the choice beforehand). Many girls do that kind of things at clubs. Guys have no choice, we can only hope to be the unexpected chosen one. They are like spiders making a web.

While in my living room, on the sofas, preparing a tuna sandwhich, Linda called her, asking if she went home with me. She denied it all, swearing that she would never do it: "Of course not! We are friends! Anyway, i don't know him that much. Ok, i wanna sleep now. Bye"

Some girls don`t really respect a long friendship with another girl when they like a man. Well, in fact they don't respect friendship, marriage, couples or whatever the targeted guy is involved. I don`t say guys don`t do such things, but most of us have a code of honor and we initially try to avoid those situations. Or at least we believe so.

"She is my best friend. We met in Vietnam even before coming to Taiwan, 11 years ago. I know her very well. Don`t be stupid. You saw her dancing with other guys, right? So you better just think about  yourself."

Even when i agree with all her points, i don`t think she is a better person than the other girl. She is even worse for sure. More lies, more mess... the more beautiful is the girl, more the problems.

Later, on bed, she was playing hard to get. She wanted to hear something she could use as an excuse to have sex with me. Something like "i like you more than your friend" or "i really like you". Even "i love you". My answers were never good enough if i was not clearly saying that i liked her. She said my answers were wrong because i didn't understand the questions in mandarin. She said when you can speak good mandarin, you can "get" the real meaning of those questions. So it leads you to the "right" answers. It was hilarious and surrealistic. Anyway, she was clearly playing the game.

After i got tired of all that and i started really trying to sleep beside her, she started being more and more aggresive. She kissed me wildly and pulled off my clothes in 10 seconds. She didn't want to have "safe" sex (vietnamese classic again). "I don't have any disease, i can't have baby, haha... you are affraid" and things like that. Anyway i put on my condom and she complaint all the time. She even tried to scratch it off with her nails. I had to change position in order to finish. She has a great body. I know that she has a 9 or 10 years old kid, but she still looks super skinny, fit and awesome. Her face is damn beautiful too. Would be impossible to stop now. I think no man on earth could.

After that, she went home. Despiting my cellphone number, she didn't ask for anything else. She sent me some "good girlfriend" sms on the next days: "you work so hard, be careful, it's cold outside tonight, i am so bored tonigh, i miss you, you miss me?". I answered the sms, but not the direct calls.

Next day, Linda (the other girl) already feels (or directly knows) what happened last night. So since then, she is picking up a different foreign white guy every day, and getting into a taxi together in front of me. To be honest, i don't feel anything when i see that. I am kind of happy for her. And i feel relieved too. While she was doing the same kind of things on my back (some of my friends saw her in other bars, while i was working or at home), the fact about doing it now openly just meant that she didn't care about me anymore.

THE CRAZY MILF

A girl i met while working. We had something like a 10 minutes broken conversation, we exchanged numbers, etc. "我們可以當好朋友 (we can be good friends)", she said... 2 weeks later, she invited me to go to the 烏來 hotsprings at midnight. I used my scooter to ride till there. It was fun. Once there, in the private room, she put herself  completely naked in front of me. She made fun about my swimming pants, then she covered her body with a towel to be equal. She teased me for 1h. but nothing happened. She said that my naked body was quite impressive, she couldn't tell how strong i am while i was wearing clothes at work.

After that, I took her home around 2:30am and she said that she wouldn`t invite me to come upstairs, cause she had a lot of work to do in a few hours. Next time.

Another day, she came to the bar and she asked me to go to her place, around 4am in the morning. She came in a taxi and took me there. Then, upstairs (she lives in a nice apartment, for sure she makes good money at work), she prepared me some food and she gave me a towel. She wanted me to take a shower before going to bed. She gave me a pijama from her "ex-husband". She told me she had an 18 years old son (but i didn't imagine that he was living with her).

When i was trying to put on a condom, she said: "you don`t need to use that. I can't have kids anymore". I trusted her because being 7 years older than me, richer than me and so on, i didn`t think that she could be looking to get something from me. Then we did it. She said she couldn't make much noise, cause her son was sleeping in another room till 9am. So the second time, after that, she was much louder during sex. That was very awkward, but very exciting too.

Another day, i decided to pay her back the hotspring invitation by inviting her to have dinner in a expensive restaurant. She invited me to her home again. We stayed in her living room watching a hongkonese movie for a while. She also talked to her son in his room (her son's room door looked  exacly the same as the whole wooden wall in front of me, like a hidden gate... maybe she was hiding the elephant man in here??). I didn't see him. It could have been very strange.

Anyway, we did it again. It was good. Then i left in the afternoon.

Around 2 months later, she called me. I didn't answer. Then she sent me a few chat msg's in line apologizing by not calling me for a while. She said that she was damn busy. I said no worries. I also saw her sometimes at the club with male customers/friends/whatever, getting drunk together, getting a taxi together, things like that. I didn't see anything bad about it, just a successful business woman trying to have some fun during her free time.

Well, then this weekend she came back again, alone. She talked to a few customers, she danced, drank, and then left. We didn`t talk much. And this sunday she was texting me asking what i was doing. She said she was out. And i was at home doing nothing. Then, when she went back to her home, we chatted for a while via smartphone. She was a bit angry. And she asked if she could give a call now. I didn`t answer, but she did anyway.

She asked why i didn`t call her all this time. Why i went to Hong Kong. Why i was so affraid. Well, i said that i didn't call her cause she knows where i work. And she can find me anytime. She said that she went to Japan for 1 month. Oh, yes. She mentioned it during that dinner 2 months ago. But i forgot. And my trip to HK... it was just 1 day. She said i didn't tell her how long my trip was... i thought i did. Anyway, about being affraid, i really had no idea what she was talking about.

"You don't like me... so we broke up?"

Sorry?? We have never been together. We just had 2 or 3 dates and... "But we had sex! In Taiwan, that means that you thought about relationship!" Well, not really. It could be... but not so fast, specially dating an older woman with a kid. Then she got angry. She talked some more nonsense, she called me selfish, bitter and other things and finally said: "I have a baby! But that's not your problem. It's mine!" Then she started crying.

"You came to my house, we made love, so i thought we had a relationship! I am so stupid"

Well, that wasn't the point anymore. Althought i didn't want to fight her and i said that i do like her, she is beautiful, smart and so on, the point now was: "you said that you coulnd`t have kids. How come you got pregnant? You lied!" She said it was unexpected, she was not lying.... haha. Ok, my fault. So what now?

"I don`t care about the money. I know you can't take care of this. And since you don't like me, i don't have to tell you about this anymore. And you can`t ask me about this anymore, ok? I can take care of 2 babies. But i don't want to have a baby without a father again (more crying). Ok, we are just friends. I am not gonna call you anymore. This is my problem. I am gonna hang out the phone now."

Shit.

at least now i know (if all this is true) that i am fertile :) 

Ancho de espaldas y estrecho de culo, maricón seguro

Ni una cosa ni la otra. Pero la semana pasada esta vieja lesión lumbar volvió a aparecer. Hacía aproximadamente un par de años que no me daba problemas serios. El caso es que estaba aumentando gradualmente la intesidad y frecuencia de mis entrenamientos, sumado a mis clases de artes marciales. Y así, en medio de una clase que estaba impartiendo, por haber puesto a un alumno a hacer el calentamiento, por haber hecho sparring sin haber calentado y por tener ya los músculos tocados de una sesión de jogging+sprints 2 horas antes, me quedé clavado mientras efectuaba una proyección de cadera. Es un poco vergonzoso quedarte en el suelo sin poder levantarte, tratando de disimular delante de todos tus alumnos, que te miran raro mientras te intentas incorporar arrastrándote por el suelo como un gusano.

Finalmente, me tuvieron que ayudar a levantarme. Aún así, no dejé que me llevaran al hospital inmediatamente. Quise acabar la clase, pero mis alumnos se negaron a seguir entrenando hasta el final. Bueno, al final acabamos la clase 15 minutos antes de lo habitual y me llevaron a urgencias en coche.

Un lumbago es de lo más jodido que hay. Me inyectaron un calmante que no me hizo demasiado. También me recetaron unos analgésicos que me daban un sueño de cojones. De hecho, los 2 días posteriores (que los pasé en la cama casi todo el tiempo) fueron muy jodidos. Pero ya teniendo práctica con la lesión y sabiendo que no hay hernia discal ni demás (parece ser que es muscular), intenté volver a mis actividades cotidianas (excepto entrenar y hacer pesas, claro). Me quedé esos 2 días a dormir en el gimnasio, en el cuarto de mi socio (él durmió en el cuarto de baño con su hermana, a pesar de que le dije que no hacía falta. Pero una cosa es cierta: los taiwaneses, aparte de ser muy majos, pueden dormir en cualquier sitio a cualquier hora). Al día siguiente, me vino a ver una de las chicas con las que estoy saliendo ahora y tuvimos una buena sesión de sexo sin demasiadas complicaciones. De hecho, al follar parece que los músculos de la espalda se calientan e incluso se reduce el dolor. Todo parece menos grave cuando una lesión no te impide hacer la mayoría de cosas que más te gustan.

Ahora ya hace una semana de aquello y me he recuperado bastante (también llevo un par de días con ibuprofenos, que me parecen funcionar mejor que lo que me recetaron en el hospital). Hoy he vuelto a follar con esta niña y eso, sumado a estar de buen humor, parece que acelera la recuperación. No tengo claro si es más lo físico o lo mental, pero hacer las cosas que te gustan y la actividad física moderada son más que recomendables para un lumbago jodido de estos.

Ahora sólo espero recuperarme un poco más (siempre ha existido algo de dolor desde que me lesioné hace un par de años, pero no me ha impedido volver a practicar artes marciales, mma, pesas y todo lo demás. Nunca te recuperas 100%, al menos en mi caso) y volver al ataque.

我喜歡不會講英文的台妹

我最近跟一個25歲女孩常常見面。我不喜歡去外國人的夜店，所以這個在台灣人夜店認識的女人不會講英文。我覺得不會說英文的女生，她們大部分的時候都比較漂亮，簡單，真正，什麼的。有些天以前她問我：“你喜歡那一種的女生？” 我只跟她說：”我喜歡不會講英文的女生而已“。“那裡語言有關系？？”。“你看。。只有兩種台灣女人會講英文。第一種：因為她的工作，在國際公司上班，她一定需要講英文，什麼的。第二種：一個跟很多外國人約了。那她為什麼要跟很多外國人約會？？平常都是因為她們沒有辦法跟台灣男生在一起。有可能那個女生方面有問題：外在，個性，年紀。。我真的覺得那些事情無所謂，沒有問題。但我不喜歡一個台灣女生只想跟我在一起因為他沒有辦法決定，還是她找不到台灣男朋友。我知道她們大部分說都是因為她們不喜歡台灣男生。她們說外國人比較gentleman, 還是她們喜歡黃色頭髮，藍色眼睛。。隨便。我不太相信那些接口，尤其是那些女生最近很多人叫”西餐妹“。我一定覺得我不喜歡這樣子。” 然後那個認識的女孩跟我說：“嗯嗯。。對啊。我了解。一定是真的。” “對。比方說，我認識你的時候你跟好多台灣人座上那個夜店的桌子。你一定跟很多台灣男生有機會，因為他們有請妳座。但你選我了。妳有看到我在舞池然後你抓了我手臂。別的男生想跟你跳舞，但你不理他們了。那個我覺得是最重要的事。男生和女生（如果我們有機會的話）都喜歡有很多機會選的人。沒有人喜歡誰沒人喜歡的。”

去年一個出租車司機跟我說：我們台灣男生如果沒有錢的話就沒辦法找到女朋友，結婚。。你們外國人還有機會，因為有些女生喜歡特別的感覺。有可能你沒有錢，不過你有特色，魅力。我們應該存很多錢，要不然沒辦法。我就跟我新的女朋友討論這個事情。她說如果女生很漂亮一定是這樣子。但跟還好的，不好看的女人，當然都可以。好， 反正那是另一個故事。。

No os enamoréis nunca (de una mujer casada)

La conocí en Tokyo durante el invierno de 2007. Mi primer viaje a Japón. Recuerdo lo eufórico que estaba de haber llegado hasta allí. Fueron 2 semanas muy intensas, haciendo muchas cosas, viendo a amigos, etc.


Está claro que las cosas cambian de ángulo y perspectiva para uno con el tiempo y la experiencia y que ahora tengo una visión muy distinta de Japón, los japoneses y de mis affaires con las señoritas de ese país y de Asia en general.

La historia comenzó cuando ella estaba prometida con su novio. Y se alargó en la distancia de una manera absurda. Necesitaba muy poco de ella para mantener la llama de ese amor viva. Ni siquiera sexo: sólo chatear con ella en Skype y leer esos "te quiero" y demás me hacían sentir algo diferente a todo lo que había vivido hasta entonces (y no es que en Taipei estuviera teniendo, ni tengo actualmente, una vida monacal... ni mucho menos). En fin, que uno se lía y estas historias nunca terminan bien para "el segundo".

La volví a ver hace unos meses en Kyoto (después de 4 años... la última vez fue una semana antes de su boda... encerrados en un hotel durante días) y fue bastante emocionante para ambos. Nos volvimos a jurar amor eterno, etc, etc. Ni siquiera tuvimos tiempo de follar (el hueco de 2 horas en su agenda conllevaba contar un montón de mentiras a su marido, suegra, etc. y nos dio para una cena y una ligera borrachera, besos por los túneles del metro como antaño y demás).

Desde aquello, en primavera de 2012, empezamos a planear vernos más a menudo. Yo estaba ganando bastante dinero trabajando día y noche y me podía permitir volar a Kyoto siempre que tuviera tiempo. Parecía que íbamos a retomar algo muy importante y necesario para ambos. Vital, diría yo. Entonces fue cuando me dijo que se había quedado embarazada por tercera vez... y que yo tenía la culpa:

-Me pusiste tan excitada la última vez que te vi que tuve que hacer el amor con mi marido esa noche al volver a casa. Ya no estaba interesada en el sexo, pero tú me provocaste esa reacción. Y como no nos dio tiempo de... pues...

En fin. Suena muy cómico. Por supuesto, la mandé a la mierda y después de hacerle un repaso de todas mis aventuras sexuales de los últimos meses (inventándome otras tantas para exagerarlo más) se pasó un par de meses sin escribirme por internet... hasta hoy.


[24/02/13 22:03:36] nama: Hi (F)
[24/02/13 22:04:25] Am79: Hi
[24/02/13 22:05:38] nama: How are you?
[24/02/13 22:05:57] Am79: Good. Whats new?
[24/02/13 22:06:46] nama: Nothing :)
[24/02/13 22:09:18] nama: How is your work?daily life?no trouble?
[24/02/13 22:11:09] Am79: No
[24/02/13 22:11:17] nama: I was wondering if I should not talk to you all the time (:|
[24/02/13 22:12:00] nama: I think you hate me now |-)
[24/02/13 22:12:36] Am79: Hmmm
[24/02/13 22:12:44] nama: It's ok
[24/02/13 22:13:07] nama: But I want to talk to you sometimes
[24/02/13 22:13:21] nama: If you do not mind.....
[24/02/13 22:13:41] Am79: Chat friends is an awkward thing
[24/02/13 22:13:52] Am79: Specially with women
[24/02/13 22:14:39] nama: I see
[24/02/13 22:15:20] Am79: I like dating women
[24/02/13 22:15:28] nama: I see
[24/02/13 22:15:56] nama: You never need me,right?
[24/02/13 22:16:31] Am79: No, sorry :)
[24/02/13 22:16:36] nama: I see
[24/02/13 22:17:38] nama: I just wanted to know that
[24/02/13 22:18:02] nama: It's enough
[24/02/13 22:19:14] Am79: Ok. So this is the end of the chat. Byebye (wave)
[24/02/13 22:19:34] nama: Bye

Me acaba de borrar de Skype y de Facebook. Es algo un poco triste, pero también liberador. No es agradable sentir que se están riendo de uno durante tantos años. Aunque no fuera su intención, este juego la convierte en un ser totalmente malévolo para mi salud mental (y para todo aquel que sepa lo que es meterse en un rollo de estos con una casada).

No importa cuánto critique a su marido, a su suegra, a su estilo de vida... ella nunca va a renunciar a eso por ti. Por eso, aunque tú digas (como yo decía) que no te importa, que la quieres igual... en realidad estás esperando un acto de caridad, una oportunidad de estar con ella y ser tú "el primero". Así que lo mejor es no consentir que estas cosas se enquisten en tu corazón. También, cuando uno se va haciendo mayor y ya no le sobra la energía, mejor reservar la mente y el cuerpo para las cosas verdaderamente importantes... sin lastres inútiles, como relaciones de este tipo.

Adiós, N. Que te vaya fenómeno :)

這個禮拜我會表演

前2年在台灣我只有做DJ的工作（和教武術）。後來我變累了：薪水不好，尊重不多 （我有12＋的工作經驗），gigs不穩定，什麼的。。我就決定我要找另外的工作。這邊的夜店一定很無聊，音樂很爛和也有好多假的外國／台灣DJ's. 在亞洲我只想要在日本表演而已（但中國大陸很大。有可能一天我要去試試看。。）。反正台灣的生活，‘起居’，我還覺得是亞洲上最好的。我不一定想住日本，不過對音樂，文化，藝術的方面真棒。
但這個禮拜我會表演。有些朋友問我可不可以幫他們一下。我已經開始準備音樂。平常那一天我應該在別的地方上班，但有可那能會是一個好玩的夜晚。加油！


喔！新年快樂！

How to survive in Asia (except Japan)

I remember my first trip to Asia. It was a 10 day travel to Thailand with my boxing coach in order to have training in different locations (mainly around Bangkok and Koh Samui).

I was totally fascinated by that country: beautiful girls, cheap and great food, hard training... and records! At that time i was a hardcore vinyl digger (i was DJing only with vinyl in my country and i was selling lots of rare funk/jazz/soul records in eBay). I visited the chinatown area in Bangkok and i found a lot of good local stuff and some original thai pressings from afroamerican bands (with cover).

After that experience, I thought about the possibility of going back to Thailand, renting a cheap apartment, trying to make it at some clubs and so on. At that time (end of 2006) i thought that being a western DJ with around 8 years of experience could be good enough to get some residences here and there.

While planning all that in my hometown, i met a taiwanese girl... and well.... my plans changed. She invited me to go to see her in Taipei during summer 2007. And i found that Taiwan was quite attractive to me for the following reasons:

-I was interested in the language (specially writing)

-Life was quite convenient, safe and people seemed nice

-Lots of hot girls everywhere

and the most important:

-The place has a lot of japanese influence

Let's be honest: my first years in Taiwan where a mere training in order to be ready for Japan. That was my real dream. I liked Thailand, i was enjoying Taiwan... but Japan was the place to be, for many reasons: pop culture, language, food, girls and martial arts. That was my childhood dream, since my mom was working there for 2 years before i was born. I was always fascinated about Japan, and all my movements and efforts were focused on that goal.

To make it short: Taiwan was the closest substitute for all those not good (or rich) enough to make it in Japan...

Then the reality: i made my first trip to Tokyo around winter of 2008. I had some friends from Barcelona going there too, so the main thing (apartment) was resolved. Then i dedicated 2 weeks to explore the city, sightseeing and training aikido. I fallen in love with a local girl too, so i was dating her during my stay in Tokyo (the story continued for a few more years and we used to keep in touch through skype, even after she got married and with 3 kids).

I found Tokyo a really tough place to live in. Expensive, and not many opportunities for a job (i was already struggling in Taiwan, since virtual DJ's with laptops and Serato were dominating the market, while an old school DJ with all his equipment and vinyl records back home couldn't get much respect anymore). Anyway, it was not enough to have job there: it should be a good one. Recently, i was listening to a podcast from a funny guy. He really has a point about that reality (the sound quality is crap, but after a while, you get used to it, and it's really worth a listen) :

part1

part2


What this guy says is common sense. But some foreigners want to try it so hard that they think they can do anything just for surviving in Tokyo. I met some foreigners in Tokyo and Osaka struggling or having a shit life with long hours of work just because they want to experience Japan and it's cool.

I think we are too influenced by the japanese propaganda and j-pop culture in the west (manga, anime, movies, books, music, etc) and we don't realize how horrible can be to just survive in a big city like Tokyo. Many people in the west really think that the only worthy place to live in Asia is Japan. And well, of course we got China on the map, but people tend to see it in this simple way: Japan=good and expensive, China=bad and cheap. I would agree most of the time, but i believe that Japan has many bad things too (and nobody is gonna tell you till you go there and stay long enough to see it by yourself) and China (although i didn't go or stay long enough there) has its advantages. I am sure that you can find something you like in an enormous country like China: Beijing, Shanghai, Chengdu (Sichuan) and many other cities. I think there is a lot to explore in there.

Anyway, i was still not ready for even trying to find a job in Japan on my first trip. It was much later, during the mid 2012, that i made a serious effort about it: through a friend's friend, i found the way to stay in Osaka for 1 month without paying the rent. And i saved enough money to be able to move freely around the country, trying to make some serious connections. Of course, my goal was to find a job as a DJ (i am not a lawyer, doctor or chef, so that's it). And yeah, i found some gigs. First, my friend's friend (a rich guy playing to be a business man during his free time) helped me to play in a fancy bar in Osaka. I was so excited when i got booked that i didn't dare to ask about the payment. A few days later, i asked my common friend about it, and his face looked a little bit surprised, then he said: Come on, man! They will give you free drinks! It`s gonna be fun! What else you expect?

Then i saw it clearly: the foreign white boy visiting Japan wanted to play some tunes in the CD players and those guys were super nice to me, letting me do so for 30 minutes. I tried to let my friend know that this is a serious job and it should be paid, but after seeing that his face expression was turning a bit bitter, i just said thanks and i accepted the gig in order to be polite. That night i played the first tunes i had in my laptop and i tried to leave that place asap. I even tried to make connections with a korean DJ, who totally ignored me cause he was too busy making his debut and licking the party host ass. I was starting to hate Japan.

Then, the "good gigs" were with real DJ's, playing the real stuff. I remember that i met them through a friend from my country who went to play there some years ago. Then i remembered what he told me at that time: I was very disappointed about Japan. They paid my plane ticket and so on, but not the gig... and the club was empty. They just returned me the favour because i invited that japanese band (with 8 or 10 members) to Barcelona before. And of course, they got paid and i covered all the expenses.

Then it was exactly the same for me: they didn't pay me anything. But initially, i was not invited to play with them and it was more like a friend's party. No complaints. I enjoyed it. But i was not going anywhere in terms of building a career or making a minimum amount of money. Then i realized that Japan was not the place for me to live. I can't live in a place if i can't make money. So since then i decided that i would be glad to visit Japan at least once a year, but i would never try to find my place in there. That feeling was bigger in Tokyo, during a short visit and having a meeting with some of the local artists. Everything seemed too tough. Just a bunch of people being formally polite to an intrusive tourist and wishing that he will leave their country as soon as possible.

I also remember how hard was to get respect from the scene: initially, i was introduced to the local DJ's there. And they were JUST polite to me. Not many smiles or welcoming (not to mention that i was the only white guy in the party, it felt very awkward sometimes). Of course, i know that the language barrier was one of the main reasons. Only after i had to opportunity to play in one of their parties, some of them started to look at me differently. Cause i am not an asshole pretending this or that, i don't fear the pressure. And i love opportunities. Then i just got a bit of respect from them, but that was not resolving the "living" thing.

I decided to meet some foreign DJ's in Japan in order to see how they do it. What i found was another friend's friend, an american english teacher who was playing in a small bar in Osaka. And he was honest enough to say: I don`t get any money from DJing, but i can get drinks, friends and pussy.

Seeing why it was so hard to be taken seriously, i decided to accept the reality. I talked a little bit more to that guy in another place, and then he made the main point: Even the japanese DJ's who make money doing this, don`t live in Japan: they are all living in USA or UK...

Asia is definitely not the best place for a professional DJ. Far from being a superstar, i realized that the digitalization of the art made it even worse: it lowered the standard, lowered the prices, created a lack of appreciation, since everybody can download a few thousands of mp3 and be ready to autosync the tunes with a minimum and portable equipment.

You could say: come on, man. You go to another country, without speaking the language, nobody knows you and you expect to be treated like a superstar. Well, my point is what i saw in my own country: unknown DJ's from France, UK and around going to Spain and getting gigs easily. And the english speaking ones don't even bother on learning some spanish, even after living in my country for many years! And they do quite well. And also, the locals treat them nicer and friendlier. For example, i met very few "real" foreign DJ's in Asia. Most of them became DJ's after arriving here. It means that nobody knows them in their hometowns. No profile, no background. It just looks fake to me and i can see it clearly (music selection, skills, actitude, etc). So i thought that i am not DJ Tiesto (and i don't want to be anyway), but as a real DJ with some years of experience here and there, i thought that i could make a difference easy to appreciate, not just like an ibecomeaDJtogetpussy guy.

Meanwhile, in China, seems that it's possible to make some money, but forget about music and skills: they only look for a white face (and sometimes black) to fill the poster. Maybe would be interesting to try it, but posts like this one below describes the situation very well, which i think it's quite insulting for any (famous or not) serious professional DJ. This part is pure gold:

Most of the “lao wai” (foreign) DJs play the safe route, offering up a familiar set of mainstream hip hop, house, electro, trance, or generic club music. Every weekend, in every 1st and 2nd tier city in China, there’s at least one club boasting a “foreign DJ.” While Shanghai and Beijing will frequently have a famous international DJ like Paul Van Dyk, Tiesto, or Paul Oakenfold, most of these 2nd tier city gigs are “starring” an expat foreigner already living in China. Many of them came here to “teach English abroad” and found that playing CDs for an hour paid better than a week’s work babysitting in some kindergarten.

When I first arrived here and saw this circus — clubs begging to book a “foreign DJ” regardless of talent or experience, and refusing local (Chinese) talents, I was offended. Even foreign DJs with Asian ethnicities were rejected in favor of a black or white face (the same can be said for English teaching jobs here). But in the end, this is showbiz, and that’s what sells tickets. Foreigners are exotic here in a land so homogenized that most people don’t know the difference between the concepts of “nationality” and “ethnicity.”

Full post here: http://www.chinamusicradar.com/uncategorized/chinas-foreign-dj-circus/

It's not much better in Taiwan. There is a problem of variety. There are not musical scenes. Big and small clubs only offer canned party music, the one they think is the best: top40.

I did that job during my first 2 years here. After i started to look for other options.

But going back to the Japan topic: not long ago, i met a german guy. Very different background: around his mid 40's, university teacher... he said that Tokyo was a great place to live. Of course, when we talked about expenses, living, etc... he told me that he was making 4000 euros a month, and life was comfortable ENOUGH to him... OMG! You can live like a king EVERYWHERE with that money! Well, that's it. Definitely not my place. Seems that the same goes for Singapore, Hong Kong...

Taiwan is a comfortable place to live for a modest person (let's say it: normal people without extraordinary skills. And many losers can take advantage of this convenience and get a decent life too, of course). But there are not many opportunities to learn, to develop oneself. Right now i am doing jobs where i don't learn anything (mainly teaching, but not english. teaching languages is only the 10-20% of my occupation here) and others where i do a very specific thing, but it`s gonna be the same after some years. No improvement.

I am not here to give tips to anybody. But the key of my "success" in Taiwan without being a full time english teacher is the flexibility. I have some decent skills at many different fields: martial arts, languages, writing, music, radio, computers, etc. Not to mention personal attributes like an infinite patience, endurance and some guts.

Having finished with my japanese dream (at least now i can focus on other things), i was considering about my initial thai dream... but many things changed. And i still don`t see the way to make money there (i am 33 years old now, almost 34.. i can't see it like a backpacker's adventure anymore). Now i just see some countries as good to make money or good to spend your money. Seems that Taiwan has both. Pretty balanced. In average, this is the best place i found to live in these days of western world's bankruptcy, chinese capitalism... and japanese mirages.

Català a Taiwan

No recordo l´ últim cop que vaig escriure algo en català. Tampoc tinc cap oportunitat de practicar en aquest lloc. Les meves llengües principals ara són l'anglès, xinès i castellà, en aquest ordre.

Taiwàn té moltes similituds amb Catalunya. No m'atreviria a dir semblances pol.lítiques, però l'esperit d'independència ès semblant.

No estic gaire interessat en aquests temes, però de vegades em sorprèn que molts taiwanesos sàpiguen coses de Catalunya (entenc que el futbol també ha ajudat bastant a conèixer-nos). Molts em diuen: si ets de Barcelona, tu no ets espanyol: ets català!

Penso que els catalans no saben gairebé res de Taiwàn ni de la seva realitat. Com que no vull fer d'aquest post un discurs geogràfic/pol.litic, convido a tothom a buscar informació pel seu compte a internet o a on prefereixi.

De vegades em pregunto d'on sóc. Porto molts anys a Àsia. Definitivament, un mai podrà acostumar-se a aquesta cultura totalment. Em fa gràcia com els taiwanesos es passen un parell d'anys (o un parell de mesos) a un altre país i molts ja es consideren americans, australians, canadencs... aquesta seria la gran diferència entre els catalans i ells: un català que se senti com tal, mai confondrà la seva identitat. És un orgull ser català tant a fora com a dins de Catalunya. Però el taiwanès primer no volia ser xinès... i ara que és taiwanès, de vegades vol ser una altra cosa... em resulta estrany, però em trobo amb molts d'aquests personatges arreu. No sé què volen aconseguir amb aquesta actitud.

De vegades faig broma i els hi dic que jo també sóc taiwanès. Aleshores riuen i diuen: estàs de broma, noi! Això és impossible!

La veritat, ja no sóc ni d'aquí, ni d'allà. Fa temps que vaig esdevenir una persona que viu, simplement. No importa el lloc, ni la nacionalitat: visc i deixo viure. Aquest és el meu esperit d'independència, llibertat i amistat.

Dating websites

I have to say that all those online dating websites are crap in most of the countries: in Spain, the girls signing up there are very low quality (mostly weirdos, crazy and fat ones). And when i was in Japan, i messaged around 20 women one night from my hotel room and no one answered (only the ones from China or Taiwan living there, 99.9% prostitutes). Eventually, i lived there for 1 month before and didn't meet anyone online (long time ago skype was working ok with japanese girls, but only the english speaking ones, since i don't speak japanese... and that would be the main reason for my failure). Then i am using some of those websites here in Taiwan and it seems to work great. There are pretty decent girls online. To be honest, here in Taipei is much better to use online dating sites than going to clubs.

Why that? I suppose that a Norwegian or any kind of tall blonde guy with blue eyes, or Cuban, argentino or even italian would give me a different impression about online dating in Spain. And nowadays, in the modern Japan, a black guy from Nigeria can do much better with the locals than most of the white guys out there (we seem to be an outdated trend there... démodé... haha.. fuckers..). Might be a little bit better for them in the online dating game. But not at all, cause there is a cultural thing involved as well.

In Spain, most of the young people (and middle aged singles) go out. The bar culture is strong. But in Taiwan, after going to the same club or bar for 3 months, you will realize that there is always the same people in there. The community of taiwanese girls looking forward to get laid with foreigners in the club is not as big as many people might think. It's a ghetto: the english teacher's community and their pool parties, foreigner parties, always attracting those girls we all know for years (and probably most of us fucked at least once).

In Taiwan, girls are definitely not attracted to black guys (only the fat ones, cause they are up to anything) and many of those signing up in dating websites are open for dating both taiwanese and white foreign guys (as long as the language barrier is not a problem for basic communication). Foreigners will always get more attention than the locals from many of the girls. At least more curiosity, more questions about job, why here, etc. Initially, more interest. Also, the shy nature of asian people make them see this kind of virtual communication as more natural, less aggressive (and they love photos!). In Europe, this is just weird, with a "scene" mainly dominated by teenagers and attention whores.

The most part of those online girls remain in the virtual world forever: chatting, wasting time, fulfilling egos, etc. But i met many nice girls. A few bizarre ones too, but common sense and experience should guide you better than anything else.

Some friends living in Thailand and similar places (almost 3rd world countries) told me that dating in Taiwan is not easy. Well, i woulnd`t count desperate girls and prostitutes as a date. Anyway, very few girls are looking for just "having a good time" (in the simple way guys see it). But yes, somebody also said "girls in Mainland China are more motivated". Totally understandable...

From my part, i just bought my first smartphone 2 months ago... you can stay connected to those sites through its applications 24/7. It definitely makes a big difference: now checking videos in Youtube, bidding in Ebay or buying things online, reading e-books and selecting or making a friend of the opposite sex for a coffee is all the same.

The club culture is definitely crap. I avoid all those superclubs full of foreigners or the specific foreign bars (the worst, i work at one of them). The Clubs for locals are a little more genuine (of course, knowing their language is a minimum requirement there). Allucandrink places with horrible alcohol & music.  But possible to get laid... at your own risk. I would recommend to go to those places with a good bunch of friends. Jealous taiwanese guys never fight one on one. They just want to win. If they see there is a minumum possibility to lose, they won't fight (they would even consider a 5 vs 10 confrontation, they feel safer when they have 5 mates for every 'bad foreigner'). Nuff said.

Maybe i am getting old, and because i work in the nightlife for around 13 years, i see it differently. I don't want to get out of the bar where i work to go to another bar during my free time. That would be another ghetto... of my mind.

Let's not forget about reality: all those coworkers, classmates, students, teachers, bosses... police?? Well, the point is that i really like my coworker for a long time. I asked her out just once and she couldn't make it. Then i found out that she had a boyfriend at that time. Not sure if she has one right now (for sure she broke up with that previous one), but i don't want to let everything become an awkward situation at work (i have to work beside her 3 days a week, for 3h everyday). I wouldn't mind to ask her out again (of course, i think that i have a chance), but maybe i like her too much? I might be 101% sure, and a man is not even close to a 50% sure for these matters (women's nature confuse us, impossible to know what they exactly think). But it would be ok if we weren't coworkers. Some friends (guys and girls) told me that i might try harder. They say, for what i told them, that she just wants to see if i am really serious about her. Well, that's the point: dating websites provide me a good number of decent casual dates. Maybe it's my choice. I want to remain single. But in the other hand, i always say that i am open to a serious relationship. I am not sure if i just want to find excuses. Probably i got enough in the past. Or like one of my roommates said: "after you bang more than 20 or 30 women, you can`t be satisfied anymore, man. It's too late"

Head in the Clouds

Son las 7:19am, hora local. Aún no he conseguido pegar ojo. Llevo toda la noche dándole vueltas a la cabeza...



Hacía unos 6 meses que no fumaba. A los pocos días de dejarlo, empieza el mal humor, los dolores de cabeza, los pensamientos "extraños"... los fantasmas salen a flote. Las viejas heridas se abren. No soy fumador habitual, así que esa moderación siempre me provoca un mini-síndrome de abstinencia ya bastante fácil de identificar para mí.

Hace un rato, en la cama, he decidido dejar que todos esos pensamientos entremezclados salieran y se manifestaran libremente. Cosas feas: odio, rencor, venganza, muerte.

No tengo demasiados enemigos. Se pueden contar con los dedos de una mano. Algunos podrían pagar sus fechorías en un tribunal. Pero alguno merecería algo mucho más sabroso y sofisticado.

Estoy comparando agresiones físicas, peleas callejeras, daños personales y demás con las cosas del corazón. Todo en el mismo saco. Todas esas cosas me han causado heridas. Y en cierto modo, las heridas del corazón son más molestas que unas pocas cicatrices o dientes rotos. Y no tiene por qué ser una historia lenta y tortuosa: como la mayoría de peleas, la situación y el daño se produce en unos escasos segundos. Puede incluso ser una sola frase la que lo destruya todo de forma fulminante. Y pensar en esa frase constantemente puede matarte por dentro también.

Vivo en Taiwán desde hace 5 años, a unos 10,000km de mi ciudad natal. Los amigos van y vienen. Extranjeros que crean lazos de unión inusuales, o simplemente somos gente que nos hablamos unos a otros por lo poco o mucho que tenemos en común. Pero que al final sólo se trata de no estar solo, aislado. A pesar de tener algo como internet.

Cuando alguien en quien confiabas te hace daño aprovechándose de tu soledad, tu impotencia y tu situación precaria, duele mucho más. No estoy hablando de brutales palizas en un callejón contra una docena de gángsters chinos esta vez. Hablo de quien te jode porque le has dicho demasiado sobre tu vida. Que le has abierto la puerta de tu templo voluntariamente y te lo mancilla, te escupe en la cara y te echa de él.

Así, con el alma medio muerta, uno intenta seguir adelante. La reconstrucción es demasiado costosa. O directamente imposible. Hay que encontrar otra manera, otro lugar. Uno debe adaptarse a la nueva realidad.

No tengo pareja desde el año 2010. Eso no quita que esté follando como un mandril. Me he acostado con unas 80 mujeres desde que llegué a esta isla, en el verano de 2007. A más de la mitad las he conocido en estos últimos 3 años.

Todos los cambios pueden ser positivos. Como una marea, se lleva algunas cosas y trae otras nuevas. No me quejo. El trabajo va bien. He conseguido cosas. Pequeñas cosas que me hacen sentir más seguro cada día. Y los problemas superados te ayudan a no comerte la cabeza por las mismas adversidades (aunque jodidas), porque bien o te acostumbras a ellas o haces un pacto contigo mismo: ya no tiene sentido vivir de esa manera aunque aún no hayas conseguido dar con una solución. Difícil o no, se intenta disfrutar de cada minuto como si fuera el último. Con la mierda a cuestas.

Y así, mientras acabo de escribir esta entrada en el blog, me siento algo más relajado. Incluso ya algo sonmoliento. El bajón, como todo, se tiene que acabar. Es cuestión de práctica: disfrutar de tu momento de gloria y tener paciencia en las malas rachas. Todo termina y vuelve a empezar cíclicamente. Sólo mi manera de afrontar esas emociones puede variar con el paso del tiempo.

Y ahora que ya me siento bajar de la nube, pienso para mí mismo: "gracias por la lección, HIJA DE PUTA. Acabo de leer tu puto blog de mierda, hablando como si tuvieras derecho a ser feliz. Te crees que el universo es una película hecha a tu medida y que todo está preparado para que te luzcas. Después de que me jodieras a mí, tu nuevo noviecito te dejó tirada como la zorra que eres en medio de las calles de Hong Kong. Desde entonces sólo Dios sabe cuántos extranjeros (europeos, tus favoritos) se te han follado (supongo que sólo seleccionas tus relatos más románticos en tu blog, que en realidad son una mierda, porque todos esos puntos de vista absurdos están sólo en tu mente). Pero eso da igual, porque eres incapaz de disfrutar del sexo. Recuerdo perfectamente cuando follábamos: te creías que era una de tus putas clases de educación física. Te pueden estar dando duro durante 2 horas sin parar y no emites el más mínimo sonido. Porque no sabes disfrutar de la vida ni sabes cómo hacer disfrutar a los demás con tu presencia. El sexo contigo era una puta mierda, pero me enamoré de tí. Y me dejaste jodido una buena temporada. Hoy me ha dado por buscar fotos tuyas en internet y he llegado a la conclusión que por lo que escribes, sigues siendo una puta niñata gilipollas. Y la sigues cagando con los tíos. No sé si algún día te la devolveré o no. Pero de momento, sigue creyendo que te mereces algo mejor que excusas de tíos que te dejan porque no te aguantan. Te quieres convencer a tí misma que eres tú la que no quieres, la que ya no está interesada en eso. Pero lee la misma mierda que tú misma escribes: te follan como una puta y te mandan a paseo. Algo que yo no hice: yo te mandé a la mierda por ser una niñata que trata a todo el mundo como personajes secundarios de su novela rosa, como juguetes rotos. Todas tus intensas y maravillosas experiencias están decoradas con todos esos rabos que te comes aquí y allá. Y además alardeas de ello. No te debería extrañar que todo el mundo te mande a la mierda tarde o temprano. Eres una prepotente. Te pasaste. Te tienes que justificar, escribiendo cosas como 'estoy aprendiendo, hago muchas cosas, estudio idiomas, blablabla'. Pero mira, da igual. Sólo, por favor, no vuelvas a hacer a nadie nunca más lo que me hiciste a mí. Si me enterara que vas por ahí haciendo de las tuyas, lo mejor sería que alguien te eliminara. Por eso, hoy me ha dado por leer tus mierdas por internet, pero no quiero saber todos los detalles. Seguramente me cabrearía más todavía."